I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
