Duck Duck Cougar?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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