so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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