How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
