ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
