you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
