Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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