if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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