So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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