The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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