piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
