got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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