So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
