Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
