dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
