oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
