I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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