I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
