I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I am morally bankrupt
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
