Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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