Just fell off a train. Bad.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
we should paint friendship bongs
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