do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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