wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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