Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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