Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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