She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
