How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
