sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
