I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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