Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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