So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you never un-have a 4some
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
