You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
