Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently the secret to your success is patron
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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