My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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