forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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