I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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