i was born a porn star she said
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
