Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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