I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
