you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
