i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
