All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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