Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
