My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
