dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
