I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
