Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
