so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
