Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
