Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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