Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
