watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
