i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
